Misaligned Expectations and Expensive Long Distance

Like Velcro ripping apart, the tearing of our connections to Egypt were rough. There was an attempt on my parents part to solidify our connections people in Egypt through engagements and marriage. At different points in time and through different trips back home Sister H was engaged to a Tahir, Sister L was engaged to a Abd-Elaziz, and Brother O was engaged to Nayirah. In spite of all the good will in the world, all three engagements fell apart. But none was as sincere and tragic as Brother O's engagement to Nayirah. 

Nayirah was ever so beautiful and was easily the best looking girl around. Her deep dark eyes full of warmth and mystery, straight flowing black hair that complemented lighter skin. She was a classic pure Arabian beauty. I remember her being incredibly warm, you just wanted to throw yourself in her arms and let her beauty engulf you. Naturally, she liked Brother O, the best looking guy around, they were young, in love, and were engaged. The night prior to Brother O's departure back to Canada he sat with her struggling to fight sleep to keep his eyes open, he remarked that he didn't want to blink and miss one second of her before he left. That's the way he left her, with their hearts aligned and longing to be together as one.

Misaligned expectations and expensive long distance calling was their undoing. In an Egyptian family, once a groom proposes he starts to take active steps towards fulfilling his financial obligations towards himself, bride to be, and her family. Her family expected to start seeing signs our family was taking the engagement seriously. This would take the form of a constant stream of gifts and presents flowing their direction, a down payment on an apartment, plans for a concrete and solid job and future, and planned visits and regular communication. The truth was that Brother O was just too young to worry about all these things and was already being westernized without anyone noticing. He felt their love was an unbreakable bond and could concur all.  He needed time to finish school, get a job, and go get her. He thought he had that time. He knew she loved him and would wait for him. He was in a different universe form the one she was in. His time meandered slowly, her time rushed like a speeding train. 

Our family was struggling with so many children growing and could not support him the way Nayirah's family expected. They could not understand our struggles, after all we were in the west, the land of opportunity and money. We should have been organized by then. We had been in Canada long enough. If we were serious, there would have been singes by now. Why were we not supporting this engagement? They were getting wrestles. After all, if Nayirah got too old she would have a hard time getting married at all, no matter how beautiful she was.

This was the 80s, there was no internet, long distance calling was extremely expensive, and the preferred method of communication was air mail. Sometimes we would record tapes and send them by mail. It took months for letters to arrive. So communication was not smooth to say the least. Long distance relationships had a different meaning then. One day Brother O got the fateful letter from Nayirah, it was three months late. In it she explained that her parents had gotten impatient and have engaged her to someone else, she was going to be married to someone else. She was pleading for him to rescue her and their love. Brother O immediately got on the phone and called her at her mother’s home, she was there but explained it was too late. She cried as she told him that she got married and was already pregnant. Shocked, Brother O's tears came hard, he told her he didn't care, he still loved her and still wanted her pregnant and all. He asked her to leave her marriage and come to him. Leaving a marriage for another man in Egypt? An unthinkable act that would dishonor her whole family. She repeated and said it was too late. Yes, these tragedies do happen in real life too. We all remember and feel that heartbreak as if it was our own. 

Brother O later became a fashion photographer, he was constantly surrounded by women to an excess. There have been many beautiful exciting girlfriends. But I don't think he ever recovered from the loss of that first love. I know I haven't and it wasn't even mine.